I should've stuck to what I know about, like getting rid of pubic lice with lighter fluid and an ice pick (set fire to the area and stab them as they scramble). Dating never was my strength but I could kill doing the 60s version of phone sex - long conversations filled with finely delivered tenderness showing empathy and hiding the boner in my khakis. Lost art now replaced with texted
'Sup?
Me - you're so cute I could eat you up.
Girlfriend - you spelt out* funny.
"let's make shit awkward".
It doesn't matter because telegraphers used to ask faceless telegraphers if they ever experienced a hum job in Morse code. ~~~early 21st century brilliance

They call it evolution when the one cell thing grows to be able to swim. Or you could blame it on a supreme being. The time-frame halts, zoom to the end, and phone-sex morphs into survival (who wants to read about T H A T)
And you go right to what? female baby-food faucets - - how gauche!!

I ain't sayin' she ain't pretty but do you have to keep coming back to ladies' breasteses like they're jesus? Yes.

Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells! test